我個人很喜歡最後第13頁的畫面，不過值得一提的是第12頁大分鏡中，親子兩人的笑容特別動人，造就了極為出色的一幕。 畫面在細節處理上十分用心，整體完成度堪比專業水準。角色的心理描寫也非常出色。 作品的完成度極高，幾乎無可挑剔。

I really liked the final scene on page 13, but the large panel on page 12 showing the parent and child smiling together was particularly wonderful. Their expressions were beautifully drawn, making it a truly memorable moment. The artwork is extremely polished and detailed, and I think you’ve achieved a quality comparable to that of a professional work. The psychological portrayal of the characters was also very well done. This was a near perfect work, so I have very little constructive criticism.

作畫水準非常高，但在開頭部分對角色關係的說明與演出稍顯不足。 後半段「雨天時那位女孩應該會出現（所以等待）」的情感傳達得很好。但若能在開頭時就帶出平頭男孩「何時、為何會主動接近那女孩」的相關畫面，整體完成度將更上一層樓，真的非常可惜。 關於第9頁女孩發生事故的場景，由於白色的擬聲字（應該是碰撞聲）與雨線皆以白色呈現，使我重讀了三次後才注意到有事故發生。 第10頁描繪事故的部分，女孩的血跡似乎剛好落在正中央裝訂處（書脊），是容易夾頁的地方，導致細節不易察覺。因此血跡的表現稍嫌不明顯，影響了畫面傳達的即時性。

You are an extremely talented artist, but the characters’ relationship at the beginning was not effectively acted out or conveyed to the reader. In the second half, I understood that, on rainy days, he usually meets the girl at their spot, so he was waiting for her. If the story had shown earlier when and why the boy with the buzz cut first approached the girl, the work would feel much more complete and polished. I had to reread the scene on page nine, where the girl gets into an accident, three times before I realized what happened. The white sound effect letters (presumably representing the crash) were drawn in a very similar fashion to the white lines of the rain, which made them difficult to see. Similarly, on page ten, where we see the accident itself, it seems that the girl’s blood was drawn in the inner margins of the page spread, which made it hard to notice. I didn’t immediately see the blood.

作畫水準相當高，作品也十分容易閱讀。不過，由於線條的粗細幾乎一致，若能在筆觸上增添些許起伏與變化，整體畫面會更具表情。 故事在進入讀者最期待的場面前稍顯冗長，跌倒後的描寫以半頁篇幅呈現即可。 處理受傷的場景被安排放在跨頁，但我個人認為最後兩位角色的表情才是更重要的部分，希望能更明確地描繪出讀者應關注的情感焦點。 以「笑容綻放的瞬間」為主題來看，最後一頁的表情尚未達到「笑容洋溢」的程度。 若是我，會再增加約兩頁篇幅，描寫兩人對視、緊張化解、笑容真正綻放的那一刻。 不過，嘗試以大分鏡描繪角色表情的構成非常出色，值得肯定。

I think you are a very talented artist, and your manga flowed very well. However, since your lines are almost all of a uniform thickness, it would be nice to see a bit more variety. It took a bit too long to build up to the scene that readers want to see most. After the character falls, you really only need about half a page of build up. You use a double page spread to depict the scene where the man cares for the woman’s injury, but personally, I feel the final expressions of the two characters are more important. I would have preferred to see panels that focus on conveying that emotional moment instead. The theme was “a moment overflowing with smiles”, but the expressions on the final page don’t feel big or imapctful enough for the moment to be “overflowing” with smiles. If it were me, I would add two more pages at the end to show the moment when their eyes meet, how the tension fades, and when their happiness overflows. That said, your decision to use large panels to focus on the characters’ expressions was excellent.

作品中有些場景描繪得非常細膩，而有些場景則稍顯不足，這點令人感到十分可惜，不過仍能看出作者出色的畫技。 尖耳妖精從窗戶出現的場景令人屏息，是極為出色的演出。隨後妖精與少女的互動描寫也很好，但筆觸的張力有點弱掉了，實在非常、非常地可惜。 由於作者畫技出色，我認為作品中還可以增加一些角色表情的大特寫。因為讀者通常比起角色的肢體動作，更容易對表情產生共鳴，因此在表情描寫上多下功夫會更有感染力。

There was a noticeable gap between the scenes that were drawn with great care and those that weren’t as refined, which I thought was a real pity. Even so, your artistic talent still shines through. The scene where the elf appears at the window took my breath away. That scene was staged beautifully. The way the elf and the girl were depicted afterwards was also quite nice, but I got the sense that the brushwork lost some of its energy as the story went on, which was truly unfortunate. Since you are such a talented artist, I would have liked to see more scenes where the characters’ expressions are drawn larger and more prominently. Please keep in mind that readers tend to empathize more easily with facial expressions than with gestures.